“Jack!” shrieked the voice on my office phone’s intercom. “Jack! What are you doing?”

“Ummmmm… working?” I answered.

Forty-five seconds later, after the laughter on the other end finally subsided, the voice of Drew, one of my co-shirkers… I mean, co-workers… almost screamed at me: “You gotta see this music video… It’s called “Gangnam Style,” and I’m forwarding the link RIGHT THIS SECOND!”

The windows of the Cutlass Supreme parked up on a secluded spot on Lover’s Lane were quickly getting steamed up.

“Oh my God! Oh… oh… right there… oh, that is so good!” moaned Jack.

“Man,” said Anita, his date. “You really love French fries.”

Have you ever wondered how to build your own rowing machine, burn more calories than your personal trainer, or look skinnier? You’ll get some answers here; they just might not be what you expected!

If you love movies, you'll love this fun fitness spin on famous movie lines from Jerry Maguire, E.T., and more! Get ready to laugh!

Your annual appointment is in a week, and you are fervently eating healthy, getting some activity in your busy day, and trying to make it look like you lead a healthy lifestyle. And dang, it’s exhausting. But if you actually get healthy…it will guarantee you never hear these words from your doc…

The world is full of fat jokes, (“Yo mama so fat, Dora can’t explore her,” “You so fat I took a picture of you last Christmas and it’s still printing,” “Yo sister so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington’s nose”).

Fair is fair! There’s no reason why healthy people can’t be made fun of, too. Please feel free to use these cracks to tease the people who were previously un-teaseable...

Looking for a sign? Our astronomy “expert” Jack Sh*t is ready to reveal whether a healthier future is in the stars for you…