I’m holding on your rope got me ten feet off the ground…
Addicts love tomorrow. As least I did. Tomorrow was the best day because I was able to start fresh. I remember numerous times sitting in my Acura at 2am in a parking lot with a bag of Taco Bell next to me. I would be sad because I knew that the bag of food would be gone soon. All the wrappers would be on the floor. I would always say that was my last bad meal. That was the last time.
And I’m hearing what you say but I just can’t make a sound…
Addicts love excuses. At least I did. It is not my fault I am the way I am. I am not like other people. If only life were easier. I was supposed to be a managing partner for the restaurant much sooner than I was. I got passed over many times. I ate my sorrows away. Life was stressful. I ate my sorrows away. How can I work out at a gym when people will laugh at me? How can you expect me to eat less on Thanksgiving, it only comes once a year? I am busy. You realize that being busy, having things go on in your life, has nothing to do with what you put in your mouth.
You tell me that you need me then you go and cut me down, but wait…
Addicts love to feel sorry for themselves. At least I did. I hated myself. I was weak. I was worthless. I could not control what I eat. Yet, I never looked at the people I affected. My wife, my parents, my friends. I always felt it was only me that was the one that was hurt. I was wrong. Every bite I took, hit everyone around me. Feeling sorry for myself never helped me. Because when you feel worthless, it is hard to feel some worth again.
You tell me that you’re sorry didn’t think I’d turn around and say…
Addicts love to apologize. At least I did. I would always say I am sorry for failing. I am sorry for being the size I am. I am sorry for eating the way I did. Yet, I realized that apologizing means nothing if you do not fix it. Empty apologies are the worst, and I was good at giving them. When you are a food addict, it shows. When I walked in a room, people knew I loved to eat. You do not get to 420 pounds by having a second portion at a buffet. You get it by eating a tremendous amount of food. I was always sorry. I apologized many times.
That it’s too late to apologize….it’s too late…
You cannot reason with an addict.
Do you want to know what weight loss is to me? It is sitting in a classroom taking a test with every single answer in front of you. Then failing the test, and everyone laughing at you because you had every single answer in front of you.
Well, maybe six small meals, more protein, and a high intake of water had nothing to do with my weight loss.
Maybe I did not have every answer in front of me. The answers I have known for thirty years.
Weight loss is learning more about yourself. Pushing yourself to a different level. Saying goodbye to every single excuse. Knowing that you have a problem.
My name is Tony, and I am a food addict. It is not my parent’s fault or my wife’s fault.
Yet, through it all, I have lost and maintained a 200-pound loss for 3 years. I struggle, but I will be damned if I get back to 420 pounds. I will be damned if I dwell over a small gain and get derailed back to where I once was.
I will be damned if I stop working out.
6/14/2012 at 9:45 AM