Personal trainers now online to answer your questions: Debbie Pias
Sign up now or instantly connect with
Login:  

Motivation Monday: You’ll Thank Me Later

Living healthier can be difficult at first, but let me break it down for you!
youll-thank-me-later-jack-sht

Maybe you need a hand with losing weight or the “getting more fit business.” Maybe you need someone to step in and administer a little tough love when you're feeling off your game. Well, if that's the case... then here's what I'm prepared to do on your behalf...

  • There’s a 93% chance that every cupcake you come across will have already had the top pre-licked by me.

  • I throw a lawn dart at your foot every time you open a bag of chips.

  • Every time you put money into a vending machine, I run up from behind and punch the number for “Bit ‘0 Honey.”

  • I flush a Pillow Pal down your toilet whenever you go three days without working out.

  • Whenever you order fried food, I make an obscene phone call to your mom.

  • When you order popcorn at the movies, I key up your car in the parking lot.

  • Every time you go out for drinks with your coworkers, I’ll be back at your place letting my dog whiz on your carpet.

  • If you eat in the car, I repeatedly kick your seat from the back with both feet.

  • Whenever you skip a workout, I put an ad on craigslist saying that you pay top dollar for used buckets of paint and old batteries.

  • I slip an Odor-Eater insole inside your sub sandwich.

  • Every time you eat a cookie, I snip the tail off a puppy.

  • Every time you drink too much, I make a donation in your name to an organization that goes around and slaps homeless people.

  • I fix your TV so that every time you eat in front of it, all it will show is old reruns of “Matlock.”

  • When you stay up late goofing off on computer instead of getting a good night’s sleep, I send you a virus that changes your screensaver into a snapshot from my last colonoscopy.

  • Every time you salt your food without tasting it first, I hack your Facebook account and send friend requests to 100 prison inmates.

  • Every time you skip breakfast, I leave a voicemail with me talking baby talk for five minutes.

  • Whenever you pull into the drive-thru lane of a fast-food restaurant, I yodel a medley of cowboy songs from the backseat.

  • Every time you stop by a Starbucks, I’ll arrange it that you drastically overpay for a cup of coffee.


Is that enough motivation for ya?

Comments

Lee Hersh said on 1/30/2012 at 11:43 AM,

Um, I pretty much love this. Specially the pillow pal one. BAHAHA!

Miss Bailey said on 1/30/2012 at 1:09 PM,

Where have yooou been all my life?! Baaha! Love it!! <3

Ms Jean said on 1/30/2012 at 3:02 PM,

Never mind all that stuff for me, I'll just go work out...

Nick Flit said on 1/30/2012 at 10:09 PM,

I loves my Bit-O-Honey!

Shari said on 1/30/2012 at 11:34 PM,

OMG! If you'd follow me around I would for sure keep on track! Thanks for the laughs.

Tina said on 1/31/2012 at 9:12 AM,

If I wasn't motivated, I am now! Thanks Jack!

kymberlyfunfit said on 1/31/2012 at 2:30 PM,

Jack Sh*t - you are full of funny "it!" And waaaay too kind to offer to do all these spiffy things for me. How about I just exercise my right to laugh?

Doris said on 1/31/2012 at 4:03 PM,

See Jack - I follow you everywhere.

Kerri O said on 1/31/2012 at 4:32 PM,

I am never, never ever, ever never...eating a cookie again.

Jack Sh*t said on 1/31/2012 at 9:17 PM,

Too funny. And that Jack is such a dreamboat. He's... wait, how do I make this be from Anonymous?

Jody - Fit at 54 said on 2/1/2012 at 7:53 AM,

I'll give you some motivation Jack! ;-)

Coach Outlet said on 5/14/2012 at 1:08 AM,

Frankfort transformed Coach outlet from the relatively small company that it was in 1985 into the worldwide known brand that it is today.He is also known for making Coach bags affordable. At the Coach Outlet Online Store, quality products and satisfying service are provided;High safety and prompt delivery is guaranteed.

Coach Outlet Online said on 5/14/2012 at 1:16 AM,

In the Coach Outlet Online shop, a collection of high quality and hottest Coach Shoulder Bags is offered to you. They are all at the best prices you will ever find. coach outlet can provide the coach exactly the same is expected in a retail store. It can help you find bags of various colors, shapes and designs, which prove once again that the coach is actually a selection for the housekeeper.

Coach Outlet said on 5/14/2012 at 1:27 AM,

Almost everyone has identified effectively about this, below, among the best to make sure you will get much more information about coach outlet. The responsibilities of a European football manager tend to be divided up in North American professional sports, where the teams usually have a separate general manager and head coach outlet canada, although occasionally a person may fill both roles of general manager and head coach.

Louis Vuitton UK said on 5/14/2012 at 2:04 AM,

Things got a little harrier when the show moved on to regular Louis Vuitton uk handbags, though, both figuratively and literally. I am so confused that I don,t even know where to buy the Louis Vuitton Handbags. Because I can prefer to chose the fashionable design, favorable price, top service .

Coach Outlet said on 5/14/2012 at 2:05 AM,

In 1979, Lewis Frankfort, Coach Outlet current CEO, joined the company as vice-president of business development. He was mentored by the then executive vice president, Richard Rose. Rose was a maverick and is responsible for turning the Coach brand into a household name.Our Coach backpack from Coach Outlet Online can make you elegant.The feel is luxurious, the look is stunning. The Coach backpack has enough space to carry many necessities such as umbrella, books and clothes.

Louis Vuitton said on 5/14/2012 at 2:11 AM,

in fact, Louis Vuitton is one of the most famous fashion design master.he opened the fist suitcase shop called after his name. This louis vuitton uk for sale belongs to the sounding just what are termed as Louis Vuitton vintage best sellers, many other products and services for the reason that range appearing companies.

Air Jordan said on 5/14/2012 at 2:20 AM,

Do you think you're familiar with air jordan? The amount of comfort companies is it possible first set of away inside of 1 following? Nowadays nike dunks become more and more fashionable all over the world.They are luxury leather goods known for women's handbags and wallets

Nike Air Max said on 5/14/2012 at 2:32 AM,

Amazon online marketplace seriously isn't plagued by nike air max product, not necessarily by a rather long kilometer but you will obtain them to the well-known online shopping mall. Shop these nikees and the latest design wallet nike Handbags 2011 nike Patchwork Handbags here.

Christian Louboutin said on 5/14/2012 at 2:47 AM,

christian louboutin is renowned for its innovative, quality products, mixing haute couture with the traditional Austrian craftsmanship. All christian louboutin has a lead content of 32% to maximise refraction for an incredible finish. In the late 1980s, christian louboutin uk gave turned away from fashion to become a landscape gardener and to contribute to Vogue but missed working with shoes and set up his company in 1991.

Louis Vuitton UK said on 5/14/2012 at 2:59 AM,

not everyone likes it.I don't find it as abhorrent as others do, and seeing Louis Vuitton UK find ways to implement it on their bags without it being quite so in your face delights me. Looking for a Louis Vuitton outlet and don't know where they are? The easiest way is to enter here. That simple and you definitely will never be disappointed.

Add your $0.02 :

( optional )

Lets make sure you are, well, you!