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I will never be over 400 pounds again.

It was a love-hate relationship with both food and exercise. Until I gained the confidence I needed.
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I am one of those people that has been overweight my whole life. I was not a jock in high school and I did not have the metabolism of a five year old. I was over 200 pounds in junior high, around 300 pounds in college, and then 420 pounds before I decided it was time to lose weight.

Every time I would lose weight, I became arrogant. I would say I will never gain back the weight. I would tell myself how easy losing weight was. Then I would get mad at myself for gaining the weight in the first place.

Just like so many, I gained back the weight over and over again. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be like everyone else. I wished I could just eat half a sandwich, yet, even at a normal weight, I could not. Once I was at a 'normal weight,' I would stop going to the gym. Why do I need to anymore? I hated going anyway!

At 420 pounds, there was no arrogance left in my system. There was no self-esteem. I was defeated. I felt useless. In fact, I felt worthless.

Yet, I knew deep down that I had to find some strength to lose weight. There was fear that I would do the same thing. I think they define that as insanity. You know, doing the exact thing over and over again and expecting different results. I started to eat a little less and move a little more. But this time I did not become arrogant. Even after losing my first 50 pounds. Then 100 pounds. All the way to 221 pounds.

I gained confidence. More than I ever have been. I knew that hard work would pay off. I knew that no matter what I did, I would struggle with food my whole life. I also knew how important the gym would be to me for the rest of my life.

Some people get confused when they hear this, but the truth is, I do not have the best weight loss story. I am not working out the hardest in my gym. I am not a bad ass or a warrior. I am not better than you. That would be arrogant.

I will always struggle. I will fluctuate up and down on the scale for a good amount of time. I know it will happen. I do not think I am the king of weight loss. That would be arrogant.

But there is one thing I am confident about….

I will never be over 400 pounds again. Not if I can help it.

Comments

Vicki said on 10/17/2011 at 12:03 PM,

Thank all that is fine and wonderful for such a fresh, drama free, take no prisoners, no pity party here voice. And thank you for sharing it with us.

There are days, you are the light in the darkness Tony-- remember that.Happy

cyndi gile said on 10/17/2011 at 3:44 PM,

Tony, your blog is giving me strength to try to change my lifestyle again. Thank you for your honesty.

Scott said on 10/17/2011 at 6:01 PM,

Your words speak volumes to me, Tony! Thank you!

Meredith Holt said on 10/17/2011 at 6:14 PM,

What Scott said!

Linda Manthe said on 10/17/2011 at 10:22 PM,

Wow you are in my head saying things I think About everyday. It's nice to know I am not alone in my daily fight.
Good job Tony!

Peg said on 10/18/2011 at 5:55 AM,

I hear all your pain and determination. I am becoming a "better me" for the same reasons. Each day is a challenge...but we must keep up the good fight! ATF gives me just that location with staff and training to keep up the challenge!

txmommybear said on 10/18/2011 at 12:16 PM,

I am in the mad at myself stage. I worked so hard at weight loss before and lost 37 pounds and then gained all but 3 pounds back when stress hit my life. I hate that I paid no attention to myself until I was 311 pounds, lost to 274 then gained back to 308. Now at 301 and again struggling to loose weight, your story has a lot of truth for me too. I am realizing that this will always be my struggle and I hope to struggle all the way to a healthy weight. Thanks for your honesty, you are inspiring people like myself.

Kara dean said on 10/22/2011 at 11:02 AM,

Wowza! I needed to hear that! Thank you for sharing!

mbutts said on 10/25/2011 at 8:03 AM,

Thanks Tony, this is what I needed to hear. I constantly loose and gain weight as well. But this motivates me to keep pushing and modify my life, weight etc. Your story is truly inspiring.

Meatball5982 said on 11/29/2011 at 2:27 AM,

Tony,
Your story is encouraging. Thanks a bunch!

mimi602 said on 12/5/2011 at 9:38 AM,

Thanks for your motivating story.I needed to hear that. I have been losing and gaining weight my whole life. I too have finally realized that this will always be a struggle for me and that I have to make a lifestyle change. I am determined to get the weight off and keep it off. I always say "Losing the weight was the easy part for me! Keeping the weight off was the real challenge!"

Manolo Blanknik said on 2/10/2012 at 11:25 PM,
Bea said on 3/27/2012 at 10:17 AM,

Thanks for sharing--I myself lost a bunch of weight and its been 3 years now and gaining it back is a fear all the time. Very helpful. Push forward!! God bless!

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